Vision and Reality: When the Two Do Not Match

Do you ever have a situation where you envision a scenario one way, then it takes place and in no way did it look or feel like the way you'd pictured it in your head?  This happens to me a lot. I can’t help but try to fight the fact that sometimes it is just better in your head then how it really plays out. Whenever I am about to go to important events I tell myself that I will be charming and charismatic. I will be a gracious host or guest and an interesting conversationalist. I will not spend time feeling insecure or agitated but that confidence will radiate through my pores and I will make appropriate eye contact. I will stand up straight so that it won’t get awkward when people do that thing where they look at my hunch and perk themselves up. I look in the mirror and plead with myself: "please do not do that tangent thing that you constantly do when talking to people. Focus on what you are saying, get to the point, brevity is the soul of everything!" "You can do this" I tell myself as I walk out the door, "just be yourself, but not too much of yourself."

Unfortunately, it usually doesn't go that way.

There is a great scene from the film 500 Days of Summer that perfectly encompasses this notion.  Basically, Joseph Gordon-Levitz’s character, Tom is having a hard time getting over Summer, played by Zooey Deschanel. Summer, hoping the two can be friends post breakup invites him over to a dinner party. Once Tom gets to the gate of Summer’s apartment the screen splits in two, one side shows expectations, the other shows reality. Expectation shows Tom being a charismatic guy who is doing everything right, so much so that he eventually gets back the girl. Unfortunately, in the reality of the situation he finds himself disengaged and isolated. He can’t seem to get a moment alone with the woman he so desperately wants to be alone with and can’t get in the same rhythm as the rest of the guests. Eventually, he realizes that not only is she not interested in getting back together with him, she is actually engaged to someone else. Reality trumps over expectation.

I tried to find the entire scene but the only one I could find was that small clip.  If that example doesn’t drive it home for you, or is just too depressing, here is a hilarious bit by Katt Williams about how after wanting a motorcycle for years, his dreams finally come to fruition.

The interesting thing about the two clips is that the concept of the ladder is more depressing than the former. If you strip it down, the 500 Days of Summer clip is essentially about not getting what you want, whereas the Katt Williams bit is about getting what you want and it not being as good as you thought it was going to be. That is way worse to me. 

I guess January has me thinking about all these expectations we set for ourselves in the New Year. This is the year I will lose weight, this is the year I’ll find that job I have always wanted, this is the year I will find the motivation I have always needed to be a better father, wife, brother, employee, parishioner , ect, ect, ect.  We always begin something new with the best of intentions but somewhere along the line (usually February for me) reality has taken over. Why is that I wonder? As adults are we given so many responsibilities that we refuse to fight or work for the results we had hoped for? Shouldn't we let ourselves continue to hope that it is possible for our expectations to align with reality? Or that getting what we want will be everything we had hoped for and more?  Shouldn't I believe that someday I will be able to tell a story from start to finish without seeing someone’s eyes glaze over?

The answer is YES, we should. Maybe I have been listening to Jillian Michaels too much, or perhaps those years of watching Oprah with the babysitter have finally clicked in my mind, but in 2013 my only resolution is to let myself expect that something new could happen, that my hopeful expectations occasionally will match with reality. Maybe most of the time they wont, but that is okay at least I tried, at least we let ourselves have the fantasy instead of just accepting the reality.  

Good luck to you with your resolutions, the best part about them is that if they don't work out, there is always next year!