Ten Years

On this day ten years ago I graduated from high school. It was weird to write that sentence. Not bad, not sentimental, just... weird.  If you think about it there have been many films made, television episodes aired, articles written and therapy sessions booked in honor of someones ten year reunion, to a lot of people it is hard not to reflect on the occasion. How could you not? It is definitely a milestone, the last hurdle to jump before your actions and decisions are yours alone to make.

Some people liked and have fond memories of high school, like my brother who is outgoing and confident. Some people do their best to just get through it like my husband claims he did. This is how high school made me feel:

I know, I know, everyone reading this is so shocked that sweet, optimistic  sunny ole me hated high school. Please, try to contain your bewilderment. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have some fond memories of school I wasn't a complete malcontent, but overall high school was just a lot  things that bring the worst out of my personality. For instance, forced interactions with people I didn't like, having to do what people told me all the time and the basic pageantry of it all. I once saw a homecoming court nominee in a barbie pink dress and a tiara being driven around the Grape Bowl in the backseat of a convertible while "Material Girl" by Madonna played. She didn't even win. What. The. Fuck.

Now I will provide my experience for your viewing pleasure. My freshman year I was allowed to eat with the popular kids because I was a cheerleader and had been for a few years. Just a side note before I go on, to all my snickering readers (both of you) I was a really good cheerleader, I made the All Start team twice and got to cheer at a Raider game and once at Stanford, so there. Once I got to high school the squad basically tolerated me, I was the chubby veteran who was good at halftime and a sturdy base. 

Just before my Sophomore year, disaster struck. My name wasn't posted on the Sophomore squad roster and I had been cut from the team. I wont go into my conspiracy theories about this, all I will say is that it seemed like the end of the world to my 14 year old self. Soon after, people who I had cheered with and known for almost half of my life suddenly didn't know me anymore. They were no longer forced to put up with me and I became a social pariah. Someone who had been a good friend of mine in junior high suddenly became popular and told people he had only gone to the Winter formal with me because nobody else would do it and he felt bad for me. A football player I had a major crush on told me he would go to a dance with me, but when his friends made fun of him for it, he pretended like he had never agreed to be my Sadie Hawkins date and never talked to me again. OMG it was like, so sad! So basically I put on a ton of weight, chopped off all of my hair and had to be doped up on a bunch of anti depressants. 

Even though that year was pretty tough, I am really glad it happened. I say that because the experience built a lot of character and I found out who my true friends were. I didn't have to like things because other people liked them, or wear certain clothes or act a certain way anymore, I could just be myself. 

A huge change came for me at the end of my Junior year. While in the midst of an appendicitis, I saw a new band preform on SNL. In between vomiting I couldn't help but notice how much I liked the song and how I cute they all were. From that day on I was obsessed with the Strokes and soon after  I became equally obsessed with the White Stripes. I dressed like them, read anything I could about them, listened to their favorite bands and would bribe my co worker to take me to see them. I had become a music fanatic.  In the words of Eddie Argos, I died my hair black and never looked back. 

The funny thing about all this, is that once I stopped caring about what other people thought, the mean people suddenly weren't so mean anymore.  My senior year was spent going to see local bands at Granny D's and making new friends who liked music as much as I did. Even though  I still hated high school it became easier to kind of go with the flow, I even went to prom. Sure, my mom made me go and it was extremely lame but I went none the less.  I threw away all the pictures though so you will have to take my word for it.