Sunday, June 10, 2012

Chapter 1: Spanx for the Memories


I realize that everybody has a blog now and only like, two people may read the entire entry but this is my attempt to force myself to be more honest about things, and to put myself out there. That being said I am calling this blog "Spanx for the Memories" because I feel as though every special occasion in my life begins with me squeezing myself into a pair of Spanx. No matter how special the occasion is, I can always be comforted by the fact that all of my insecurity and self consciousnesses is tightly secure in the sausage casing that are my Spanx. All fat girls know that Sara Blakely owes us some kind of commission because long before she became the worlds youngest self made female billionaire, we were using bicycle shorts to keep from being chaffed. When I am wiping the sweat off of my forehead after putting on my Spanx, I kick myself for being too stupid to have come up with this idea myself. I could have been the billionaire, but instead I am sitting in a cubicle pretending to work, oh well.

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